Look

Waiting, Smothered, Ready to Die,
Wrapped, Peaceful, Still alive.
Still Alive

Space

I'm finding myself just starring into space at the moment. I'm not looking at anything, I'm not waiting nor am i dreaming. I'm thinking, not about anything in particular, but there is movement in my head.

i find myself wondering if masking tape will ruin something if left on for too long. How my bed is littered will all the things i find essential. Ive spend a lot of time looking at my work on the walls and found myself thinking about the activities of my bed. I've even found myself wondering how much tomato ketchup is wasted from the bits that sticks to the sides.

All entirely irrelevant to whats actually going on. I tried reading and the way i was reading was as if i was really tired, i couldnt stay focused and i couldn't keep track of the subject matter, im not tired at all.

i slept for a few hours earlier, again because i found myself starring into space for no real reason. sleep seemed like the only thing that i could do to occupy my time. ive tried keeping busy but i just dont know what to do.

i dont feel like doing anything, im always sitting in silence and thats because the mood of music affects me a fair bit and i cant actually determine what mood im in as to adequately find a piece of music that fits.

ill probably be here for a few days.

Atitudes

Its interesting how you have an attitude towards something and how it can change, bend and flex depending on what happens to you.

Something happened tonight that any normal person would think that my attitude would change. it didn't, i suddenly found myself realizing how much i believed in what i thought. i didn't want to give my selfish views on it for who am i to put anyone in that situation.

I've always tried to renounce my selfish and subjective views, i could do that at this time but ethically and morally that was wrong.

I guess i just don't know what to say to it, what to suggest and what i can actually do.

I'm completely an utterly helpless.

Self Portrait

This was a day that i got pretty told off for, it was never something that planned but i had the weird compulsion to take photos whilst there. Hiding in the bathroom was the only place i could take photos without anyone noticing. Its interesting that i took a picture of myself there, here i am, i was here, confronted all the things i feared. No longer do i feel angry, sad, nor anything.

Untitled

This is another one of those photos where i just wanted to see what i looked like. i still remember my face when i was 8, when you look in the mirror your so familiar with the reflection that you see, occasionally i remember that i used to look different and i find myself strangely estranged from the face i see. i find that i know what it is to look and to find it looking back, but i find myself seeing someone older than i remember.

Insignificant Other

Theres something amazing about looking at the sky. It installs a complete and utter insignificant feeling in me, the interesting thing is that it actually makes me feel good about my life. I find it a good feeling to find my life has no significance in the universe. When you gaze at the clouds, the sea, the stars or even anything that is on a large scale you begin to wonder. To look at the stars makes me think about the grand scale of the universe, of other planets, stars and galaxies, of possible life. We tend to think of life and the universe as we know it, to exist on this planet but if you think of the size of the rest of reality, it's humongous, and you really are just an insignificant being.

15 Years Old Again